Tolstoy

Two weeks ago I had a fever and had stayed in bed for most of the weekend. On Sunday afternoon, I motivated my achy body to take a walk. It was such a lovely day—65 degrees in November-- and it had taken me the whole day to get rested enough and ansy enough to journey outside. I piled on a few sweaters, scarf and wool beanie and took baby steps down Franklin Ave. towards the neighborhood bookstore. I had been wanting to support them and now was the time, as I was in need of a reminder that a life outside my small, sweaty bed existed.
Word, the bookstore on Franklin Ave., is small but has a great selection. I was so happy to be there, I looked at almost every bookshelve—partly because I am an indecisive Libra and I like to make a fair, balanced decision. But also partly because I was enjoying browsing so much. So after about an hour and a half, as I got hotter and hotter in my layers, I decided to go with a book of short stories by Leo Tolstoy. I never read him in college, and friends of mine raved about his classics, but I feel like I missed the boat and that I wouldn’t enjoy War and Peace or Anna Karenina as much not in a class setting. I still don’t have a huge desire to read these myself, they seem so overbearing, but I am falling in love with Tolstoy for another reason...

At the checkout counter there was a display of newly designed covered for a series by Penguin Book’s called “Great Ideas”. One was “A Confession” by Tolstoy. I am always attracted to small books—you can carry them in your coat pocket and easily take them in and out on the subway. The quote on the cover “Where there is Life there is Faith”...

“A Confession” is so potent. Tolstoy reports his soul seeking plain and simple. It is such a revolutionary work because he is so candid and ruthlessly direct about his experience. His rational mind took him to the brinks of suicide, feeling helpless and meaningfulness in life. What he experiences is that you reach the edges of what you can know and still there is a light that sustains us. I highly recommend this book to everyone! It is so good.
This is from his eureka moment at the peak of his questioning: “Live in search of God and there will be no life without God!”

Reading “A Confession” verifies that we all have to understand life on our own terms. It is so beautiful to have such an account of how someone else did it, and that even the people who we hold to be super human went through dark dark searched to come to their understanding. He gives you permission to be pissed off and lost and you can see how important it is to make the confession, to be honest and really approach your path genuinely. As he writes “To know God and to live are one and the same thing. God is Life”